I returned from co-leading the Collective Leadership Open program in March and was inspired to apply what I had experienced. During the retreat, we had intentionally created a safe holding container for a group of diverse participants to grow as collective leaders and to speak to the imperative of every leader to create an open, unbiased and caring space for another person or group to speak into or just be in. With that, I declared, wrote it down and prominently displayed at my workspace:
‘My home to be a safe holding container… filled with love, peace and gifts of the Holy Spirit.’ April 9, 2019
With reference to Wikipedia, “A container is any receptacle or enclosure for holding a product used in storage, packaging and shipping. Things kept inside of a container are protected by being inside of its structure.”
Taking this analogy, at the retreat we created the conditions where the participants who initially did not know each other were able to deepen their self-awareness and develop their collective leadership capabilities through their experience of being and learning with each other – building the psychological safety a much studied enabling condition for performance.
I will be sharing two perspectives about how the safe holding container can be built. First, from a personal perspective, my home situation and second, from an organisational perspective when IBM introduced the Human Resources Partner (HRP) structure in 2005. In this structure, every people manager was assigned a human resource partner who were co-located (in the same country/city and therefore could meet in person). The people manager was responsible and accountable for all his/her people related decisions. The HRP role was to guide and support the people manager.
At Leadership Coefficient, we know that to build the safe holding container, the following 7 things are necessary.
1. Be Clear on Your Intention for the Interaction
In order to create an effective safe holding container, you have to be intentional about what you want to create. In my home situation, my mother-in-law (aged 83 years old) passed on in August 2018 and she was the main care-giver for my father-in-law who turns 88 years old in October and has been living with dementia since 2006. I was dealing with grief, dementia and complicated extended family dynamics. My intention was to create a loving home atmosphere so that the members of the family could work through their emotions especially my father-in-law who had lost his wife of over 60 years.
From an organisational perspective, the intention of the Human Resource Partner and the people manager was to enable the people manager to build the organisational climate for the team to excel and deliver on the business outcomes.
2. All Members within the Container Must be Present
The past happened and there is not much we can do about it – worrying or going into endless ‘what ifs’ will not change the future. The future is a crystal ball and in this volatile, uncertain, chaotic and ambiguous climate speculating on the future will be useless energy. I started to meditate with my father-in-law to help him to focus and be present.
In the organisation case, there was a requirement for the HRP to meet one on one with the managers at least once a month, that is, to be present together, and we had to report that it was done.
3. Focus on Shared Purpose
For my home, the shared purpose was a peaceful sanctuary for all the family members to come home to, to be nourished and rest for the next day’s work.
From an organisational perspective, shared purpose is the “why” does the company or function exist and for what purpose. For a safe holding container to function effectively, it must be clearly articulated and shared. To ensure performance and employee engagement, there was a calendar of HR activities like compensation cycle, talent management, recruitment etc. The HR partner not only advised on personnel issues, more importantly we coached the manager and helped them deal with the web of relationships.
4. Build a Climate of Trust and Encouragement
To build trust there are many steps. At home, in every interaction, I chose to direct my attention to provide encouragement. This is not to say that I do not say harsh words or get angry when there is a clear transgression or someone has crossed the line. Rather, I choose to take the high road, give the benefit of the doubt and when there is nothing good to say, I keep quiet. When dealing with my father-in-law who is living with dementia, I use the sense of touch like holding his hand and gently guide him.
From an organisational perspective, being accountable, keeping your commitments, meeting your key performance indicators and being consistent go a long way to build trust.
5. Desire for Each Person’s Success
The operating word here is desire. For us to have the desire for every member of the team to be successful, it is necessary for us to understand each person’s aspirations and goals.
In my home, it was understanding what stage of life they are in and what makes them tick. There are 4 generations in my family and I employ two domestic maids from Myanmar who live in with us.
Similarly, from an organisation’s perspective, for the department to function and meet its goals, there is a need for the manager to understand the aspirations of each team member and see how it can be aligned to the department needs.
6. Courageous Space for Dialogue and Growth
It is through open dialogue that the safe holding container comes alive. It is a living space. Dialogue includes deep and patient listening and asking questions to deepen your understanding and through that we also get a deeper understanding of ourselves and from there we grow. At home, I consciously make the effort to talk with my domestic maids to enquire about their family, their aspirations and what they want to do after they complete their contract in Singapore.
From an organisational perspective, during the regular meetings, the HR Partner listens to the concerns that the manager has; unearths assumptions and lets issues surface without judgement. Courage is required because personnel issues related to lack of performance or missing KPIs may be complex. From a systems perspective, solving one area may lead to problems in another area.
7. No Room for Ego or Limiting Beliefs
Finally, for a safe holding container to protect and to enable the people within it to grow, we need to be willing to let go of our egos. Growth is possible when we challenge our thoughts and beliefs on what is possible.
On April 9 2019, I declared my intention and there has been some success. From February 2019, I began meditating with my father-in-law in front of my family altar – a simple 10 minutes practice. The practice calmed him and it was amazing that he remembered the prayers. Then on Thursday April 18, I was pleasantly surprised when my father-in-law requested me to pray with him. It is an ongoing process and I am on the journey. And I believe my journey will go on till the day I die.
From the organisational perspective, by cultivating the safe holding container between the HR partner and the managers, it enabled the human resource partner to become a strategic member of the management team.
What is the safe holding container you are creating for your loved ones and in your professional life? I will love to hear your perspectives.
